what now

life is passing me by and i dont even have someone to share it with lately. john is busy most of the time and has little time for me. my kids are grown and have little time for me. i have little time for me. so what is the problem. i am the problem. i procrastinate and procrastinate. all i have is work and am not doing that all that well. have to start doing something to make me alive again. so many changes and i just sit here letting it swirl around me and spending money God it must stop

almost three years later

geez, good intentions and all but here it is almost 3 years later and nothing. Jack finished his deployment and is now working at the hospital in the mother baby unit and really does not like it. He has been married and in the middle of the divorce. He hates the army. I am not sure why. His back is fucked up and he is overweight. Nothing positive here. I am figuring he will be in afghanistan by spring but I don't know that for sure. I think he has 1 year at the hospital and that won't be up until June so he might ride this deployment out on the mother baby unit. Not sure he is mentally up for Afghanville this year.
Sam is working at Clarian and hates that. There is a theme here, I am sure. My job is great and I am enjoying it. Have to get ready to go to work and I will make it a point to do this more often.

jack called today

Well Jack called today and says there is a rumor that he will be leaving on the 8th instead of the 13th. I already have hotel reservations for the 11th and 12th. It is a 16 hour drive and I told my husband we should fly but he wants to drive. Hopefully we will get a definite date in a day or so. I cannot bear the thoughts of NOT seeing him get on the plane that will take him half way around the world. Tears come when I think about it. I just want him to know that I would move heaven and earth to be there the day he leaves. I am not at all sure that is going to happen. He said he would call me tomorrow and let me know if he found anything out yet. I know the Army doesn't care about my timetable but I wish they would just give us a little advance notice. I have everthing planned for the 13th and I can live with that. I just want to see him before he goes. I just want to hug him one more time and kiss him on the cheek one more time and tell him I love him one more time. I have no idea what is iin store over the next 12-18 months but I know that this last goodbye is important to me and although he would never admit it, I am pretty sure it is important to him. He said one night to me, you know mom there is a chance that I won't come back. All I said is 'Jack, I love you and whether you walk off the plane to a welcome home party or they roll you off the plane and I am planning a funeral I will always be proud of you and I will always be here for you. What a horrible thing to have to talk about with your son. But the fact is, neither of us know how this is going to turn out.. I just wanted him to know that he is my hero and I am so proud of him. He is a combat medic and is very excited about going to Iraq. He believes he can help change some things. I hope he is right and I pray nobody ever needs his skills. All my love to you Jack!
Mom

beginning deployment

Well, my son is home on block leave and getting ready to go to Iraq on May 13th.....Happy Mothers Day! He is 20 and an Army medic. I am setting this up so I can keep my thoughts on paper and hopefully he can read this and see how things are going at home and I can post how things are going with him. He is excited to go and although I have reservations I know this will be the experience of a lifetime. I hope he takes each day as it comes and learns as much as he can. He will see things [good and bad] that he will never see in good old Speedway, Indiana. He is a bit irritated that he will miss the Indy 500 and the Brickyard 400 this year, but I promised him I would give his tickets to a couple of vets so they could enjoy it in his place. That is all for now. I will try to put something up each week.